i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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