You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize