I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
