Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
