There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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