Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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