best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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