Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
