I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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