I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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