so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
