I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
