How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
