i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dicks are not precious.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
