I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
