We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize