My room smells like vodka and shame
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
