you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
