I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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