Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
