everyone is single if you try hard enough
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
