brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
