Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
