somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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