when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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