I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sober January is a disaster.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
