i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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