Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
