i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
