if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
