my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
