I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
