I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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