the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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