I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
