If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
