Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
