I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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