We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
