We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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