what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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