I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
