Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
