All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I cockslap morals
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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