hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
