i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My bed smells like the plague
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