Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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