I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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