So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
