He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm both gender and math confused
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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