News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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