He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
