I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
