I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ttyl tear gas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I AM VODKA MAN
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
