I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
