I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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