At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize