We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
