My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
