opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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