That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
