i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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