Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
