come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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