I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
