Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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