Banned from zoo.
Again?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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