who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
