There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
