laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
