The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
