Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
