yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
