On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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