My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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