So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
