I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
