i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
