even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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