I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize