I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
