Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize