Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
