This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
