I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
