he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
