can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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