Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
so much tequila, so little girl.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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